Old Farts of Hearts
by DemonicPiano
Summary: Cardverse, one-shot! After taking to the Hearts throne after a previous carefree ruler, Ludwig is baffled how unroyal his Royal Court behaves, and of course, works to rectify the situation. Unfortunately, it doesn't work as well as he plans, and with snags and his own temper along the way, he turns to his beloved Queen for help, who may have a simple solution to his problems.


"This is fucking ridiculous."

"Do we _really _have to do this?!"

"I don't know what's worse. Listening to you go on and on at these stupid 'family meetings,' or you making us group exercise like school children!"

"Look, Lovino, I am fully aware how you feel about getting off the couch for once, but it's important to stay healthy so you can look and feel good for your people!"

Lovino managed an angry huff of air as the four-man group of Hearts Royalty some-what jogged, some-what painstakingly shuffled down the palace's garden lane, "I already look good, damn it!"

"You have love handles."

"Shut up, stupid King! I'll give your _face _love handles!"

A lighter voice whined for breath, "That doesn't make a lot of sense..."

"Be quiet! Ugh!" The Ace of Hearts faltered to one side, "I have a fucking cramp in my leg now!"

King Ludwig muttered, "And that's my fault?"

An aged, gentler-than-anything voice from the small group behind him came up, "Are you going to be all right, Lovino?"

"Fine!" Lovino actually calmed for the Queen, "I just...I just want to go back to the palace already."

Ludwig felt three pairs of eyes on his backside.

"_Ve, _at least it's a nice day out?"

Nobody said anything else.

It was supposed to be a simple jog through the garden, down the forest trail, and around the palace gates. Flat pavement all around, nice cherry-blossom scenery, no topsy-turvy winds. Three sets of feet hit the ground in uneven beats, breaths catching for something, anything, as soft whines charred their tortured souls.

Ludwig sighed and slowed to a stop.

"All right, I think that's enough for today."

His court let out cries of relief to the Heavens. Even his beloved Queen ducked his head as he stunted his hands against his knees. Ludwig felt his mouth pull down at the pitiful sight.

Jack Feliciano fell against a nearby tree and flapped a hand to his pinked face. "Oh, Gods! I feel like I'm in a pizza oven!"

It was a mild fall day.

Ludwig reminded his people, "We still need to make it back to the palace..."

Cue a chorus of wails and groans. Mostly from Lovino.

"I guess we can walk back this time, since you three seem a bit...winded." Ludwig coughed out, "Enjoy the weather while it lasts."

Feliciano peeled himself from nearly dying against that tree to hop, skip, and jump to latch onto his King's arm. "Oh, Ludwig is being nice to us today! Let's go pick some flowers and look at the clouds! And when we get back to the palace, we should put in an order for some gelato, as an award for our hard work!"

Queen Kiku smiled at the prospect. Lovino glared at the imperfections along the sidewalk.

Ludwig almost winced, "What hard work?!" Instead, he kept irritation to a minimum on his face and said, "No, I'm cutting our family exercise short today as we're running behind on that pile of tax-reforms in our office. Plus we have to wash up and dinner-"

Feliciano whined against his arm, "Oh, Ludwig! Please! It's a nice dessert to help us cool off!"

Lovino spat, "A stupid family exercise, then we're all going to sit down and go over _taxes_? What kind of sick kicks are you getting out of this?"

"I will not say I'm sorry, if that's what you're looking for." Still receiving dirty looks, Ludwig decided to bring out the trump card, "The old King let everyone do what they wanted, and how much of a mess everything inside the palace - and out - was, and still is, proves that!"

The group went quiet.

"If life in the palace is not up to par, what is to say for the rest of the Kingdom? For people that look up to us? To people that need us to be there for them?"

A chorus of, "Yes, Ludwig."

Quiet again, save for weary feet against gravel.

Feliciano perked up, "Gelato over important paperwork?"

Lovino shot the King a long side glance, perhaps hoping for some, too. The Queen kept to himself.

Ludwig relented, "Gelato _after _important paperwork."

"Oh, Ludwig! You're such a nice King!"

Ludwig sighed.

~.~

Tea down the hatch. Tie in place. Birds chirping. A soft, requited smile from the Queen across the breakfast nook. The morning was going well. Quiet.

Too quiet.

Heavy footsteps thundered to the Jack and Ace's shared room. Ludwig threw open the door with a roar, "What are you two still doing sleeping?! We're due at the King's Summit in less than an hour!"

A lazy hand lifted from Lovino's covers, "Yeah, yeah. King's Summit. You're a King. You go on ahead."

A blood vessel threatened to pop on Ludwig's forehead. "You've been asleep since dessert last night! It's not like you even stayed up late!"

"Ugh. You're like a living nightmare."

"Lovi!" Feliciano grumbled from his pile of blankets, "Could you keep it down? I'm trying to nap here!"

"Tell that to our idiot King!"

Ludwig proceeded to smack his head against the door frame several times. Nobody was getting any gelato again tonight. Nobody.

~.~

"Who put the _tea cups_ with the wine glasses?!"

Some of the kitchen staff ducked behind the counters. Ludwig sent a sharp sweep of eyes their way. Being in the same room as those three other Kings clunking their heads together in hope of some intelligent idea made his hopes and heart go cold.

"Hello?"

One of the maids approached, performing a quick bow. "Pardon me, sire! Jack Feliciano was the one who put the glasses away, and I did not correct him. He wanted to clean up a little, as it seems to make you happy! Sire."

Ludwig felt the furrow between his eyebrows lessen. "He did that? Hm, he didn't _have _to, but the effort is appreciated. However, there is a place for everything."

Another servant piped up, "Sire, we will try to find a step stool for future...misperhaps."

Ludwig stared.

"He's short."

So was Kiku, and Lovino, too. Ludwig blinked once. Oh, hello, realization. How nice of it to come _how many weeks _into his new reign! "You're right about that. For now on, the wine glasses will be up top, so the more common cups will be accessible."

"Very good, sir!"

The kitchen crew let out pleased murmurs, even cracking smiles at their King. Over something this simple. "Right. Yes..."

"Sire?" One of the cooks wandered close. "If I may ask for a quick moment?"

"Yes?"

They pointed to a couple of other servants tearing up over a particularly stubborn trash bag that would not get of its bin. "None of us can get that out!"

"I will get it."

"Oh, many thanks, sir!"

"I knew the King could do it! He is very strong!"

Ludwig pleaded, "Please don't mention it."

~.~

"I don't get it. Everything they disciplined me for. Anything that could happen. Anything that _should _happen. All that training...!" A bewildered King sat before the fireplace in his bedroom. His Queen was in place against his arm, nodding in beat to the haunt of flames in his piercing blues. "Not just the brothers. The staff, the servants, everything that was insisted upon me, in day-to-day life, is just not there. You've been around a little longer than I have. Do you know the reason for these...odd remarks and behaviors?"

Kiku rumbled in amusement without opening his eyes to the fire's warmth, "I've been around _a lot _longer than you have in a sense, my love. Even when I was still a Spadian, we would hear stories of the old King, his obscene desire to party and spend every gold piece he had on drink and elaborate pranks. He was even barred from the King's Summit, if that gives you more insight."

Ludwig hung his head. "That is a dark mark on our past. He had everything at his disposal, every piece of Hearts history, all the old Royals' stories, their ways of life, what was wrong, what was right, all under his fingertips, and yet look what he did instead. Leaving me with a Kingdom nearly in shambles and begging for respite."

When Kiku stayed quiet, snippets zipped through Ludwig's mind, and he tried to reason with them, "Perhaps the lack of a Queen to keep him in check, or to make up for the gap? Blatant denial or refusal to accept the responsibilities? A deeper, more profound illness? Maybe if we dig into that, it could give us an insight to why things are like they are today-"

"He didn't have love."

Stress sizzled to nothing in Ludwig's headspace.

Kiku opened his eyes, gazing contently at the side of his husband's face. "No Queen to love, to love for his Kingdom." He delicately place a hand to Ludwig's, always careful, "No one to show him the beauty of such, perhaps?"

It seemed only the Queen of Hearts could cast that spell, to melt the ice over Ludwig's face, to make him smile like the love-struck fool he found himself to be. "Something so simple?"

"Is it really, though?"

"Not at all."

Kiku touched his man's cheek, bringing their foreheads together. "I think you should show Lovino and Feliciano love, too."

"You think?" Ludwig ducked away, choked up at the thought. Yikes. "Yes, maybe...maybe I been too rough with them, and that makes them pull the other way."

"A King needs respect and love to thrive. I would give you both, if it were in my power. If it were enough to power the entire Kingdom."

They drew close again, embracing one another and the fire, "It is enough to power me."

"And you're enough to power the Kingdom."

* * *

_A.N.- The End. _

_I decided to make Romano the Ace of Hearts 'cause uuuuuhhhhhh yeah. :) Nobody can stop me. What else would he do there? Pick his nose? Court Jester? Hm..._

_Anyway, GerPan FTW, have a nice day._


End file.
